It’s freaking hard to maintain this secret blogging lifestyle, lol. If it takes me a few days to respond to comments, I’m sorry…but know that I’m reading them and cherishing all of them.
Let’s see…last weekend we had another “talk”…this time he brought up separation. He said he did it because he knew I wouldn’t make the decision. This was one of those 3-hr long conversations that I’m going to try to sum up in one little paragraph because I only have about 20 minutes, lol. Basically, I told him that we have a hard time learning lessons (with a lot of things). And that my fear is that the only way we are really going to change is if we separate. But at the same time, I didn’t want to make that big decision without doing what we said we were going to do…go back to therapy. I did tell him that I wasn’t sure if I was holding on for the right reasons or the wrong ones. He told me he wants me to be happy, whether or not I’m with him. He told me he doesn’t think I want to be happy with him anymore.
Today he told me he was willing to go back to the first counselor we saw, which is huge. I really connected with her and he didn’t. I felt that she pushed us and actually got to the heart of things. (I kinda felt like she was taking my side to be honest, so I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.) Anyway, he said that he was willing to try again with her, and that he would keep an open mind. We agreed that we would see her once a month alone and once a month together, so I asked if he was comfortable seeing her alone and he said yes. We’ll see.
He hasn’t worked since April because he had another surgery and he probably won’t go back to work until July so that has definitely added some stress. He’s been stir-crazy but yet can’t do anything because of his post-surgery instructions. Then there’s the financial stress of course.
We’re trying to move. Our living situation sucks, to say the least. We’re a family of five living in about 800 sf, in my grandma’s old house which really just needs to be condemned. Yes, the rent is free, but it’s 2 bedroom/1 bathroom and it’s falling apart. This was supposed to be a temporary situation…and that was two years ago. So that’s another stress.
He will be getting his Associates degree this June and wants to continue on with his Bachelors. That’s all fine and good, but he has changed his mind so many times about his major. And honestly, I was going to try to use the last year of his GI Bill for when I get into the nursing program and have to quit working. Now he wants to do Homeland Security/Border Patrol. The good news is that this isn’t totally out in left field. He did this sort of thing in the Coast Guard. I just don’t know if physically he can do it. Like I said, he looks totally fit…but he is a 60% disabled veteran. So we’ll see.
Anyways, I need to get going but this is what’s been going on in my life this week. And holy shit, my 2yo just stuck his finger in his diaper and now it’s covered in shit….the joys of being a mommy.