What is heartbreak?

5 Jun

Heartbreak is knowing that you’re not enough for someone you love. It’s knowing that no matter what, there is an evil force in their lives that will always win out.

It’s knowing that the person will never change until they want to do it for themselves. It’s knowing that sometimes it takes something so horrible to happen for that person to finally want to change for him/herself.

Heartbreak is knowing that despite how much two people may love each other, it’s just not enough.

It’s seeing your children crying, hurt and upset and knowing that there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s knowing that this really is for the best, even though it may not seem like it. It’s hoping that some day they understand and can forgive you for putting them through this.

Heartbreak is fearing that your boys will end up treating their wives this way, and that your daughter will find a partner who treats her this way.

It’s feeling so empty and alone (even though you’re not) because the place in your heart where the love from your marriage is supposed to be is empty.

Heartbreak is knowing that your husband is lying to himself and to you and that he may have feelings for someone else. But also knowing that you have felt the same way about others in the past.

It’s being in the position of even thinking about having to call the police on your husband. It’s walking into the ER and telling the front desk people that you fell. It’s having to tell the nurse and doctor that you didn’t fall.

Heartbreak is seeing your husband act so evil that you know it’s not him, but also knowing that there is no turning back…for you or for him. That even though things never went that far before, you know you can’t be one of those women who say, “Oh, that wasn’t him…I’m going to give him another chance.”

It’s knowing that there won’t be another chance. It’s knowing that you are choosing to tell a select group of people to help keep you strong and unwavering in your decision, even if it means their relationship with him is ruined.

A friend of mine told me that cars, money and houses are just things…not a reason to stay together, which of course is true but still a reality that people have to face. People say that divorce is hard and scary. I’m sure it’s hard, but I wouldn’t say I’m scared. I know I can work and raise my kids by co-parenting. It’s not scary, it’s sad. It’s sad to think of missed family holidays, missed moments together, knowing that you’re finally at a place in your life to celebrate (work, house, kids) and yet you can’t celebrate it with the person you started the journey with. That is heartbreak.

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7 Responses to “What is heartbreak?”

  1. Jolene June 5, 2013 at 5:32 pm #

    oh wow, wow. I was so excited to see a post from you but so saddened to read this, in so many ways. but at the same time? I know you are strong, can dig deep and get through this time. xoxo. email anytime. thinking of you.

    • marriageontherocks June 6, 2013 at 9:33 am #

      In a way I feel stupid because my last post was last October about us getting a divorce. But then we were able to work through it and were doing really, really well. I just think about all the hurt I could have saved if we would have just done it in October. But then again, I’m sure there would have been different “hurt” since then if we had.

  2. lifeisfullofsunnydays June 5, 2013 at 5:58 pm #

    Oh my, this is heavy. My heart goes out to you. {{hugs}}

  3. Shannon June 6, 2013 at 3:49 am #

    I know it may not seem like it but you are on the right track. This is the tough stuff you have to go through to get to the good stuff. I completely understand every word of this. Keep your chin up, cry when you need to, breathe and remember that it will all be worth it one day. You are doing the right thing for you and your kids.

    • marriageontherocks June 6, 2013 at 9:34 am #

      I sure hope so, Shannon. I hope there is a light at the end of this long, dark, miserable tunnel…

  4. Zoe July 11, 2013 at 8:03 am #

    I know I am late commenting here. I was happy to see you had posted also but I’m so sorry to see that it is not a happy post. Stay strong and be safe!

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