We had a counseling session today. The therapist gave us a “homework” assignment that we totally forgot to do over the weekend…oops! We were supposed to write our goals for therapy and things that are acceptable for each of us to do during an argument and things that are unacceptable for each of us (individually) to do during an argument. Things were going pretty well and then J said – “I feel like you make fun of me and belittle me all the time.”
Does he not “get” my smart-ass attitude that he’s had to deal with for the past almost nine years? And honestly – my calling him out on certain things (like how he never helps around the house and loses all of his belongings) is really belittling him?! This, from the man who has called me a cunt on more than one occasion…
I am freaking frustrated right now. He takes offense to everything I say. I don’t know how to tell him ANYTHING without him responding, “Oh, so I’m just a fucking idiot then?” Really?! Is that what I said? Did I just call you a fucking idiot? No, no I didn’t. If you’re going to put words in my mouth maybe I’ll just say you ARE a fucking idiot next time.
My last post was on July 6. July 6! Wow. A lot has happened since then. Things with J are generally better, but we’re still on the roller coaster. I’m not sure if that makes me committed or stupid because I started blogging in January 2011 to try to document my life so it would be easier to make some decisions about it. Things are definitely more stressful. J is on FMLA through work – his shoulder, neck, and back are hurting him a lot more these days. He’s trying to get approved for vocational rehabilitation through the VA. He’s really depressed lately.
I have stopped going to school for nursing. One look at my $75,000 in student loans and I was like hell no…I can’t keep doing this. Since I got my big raise at work, I think it’s a good decision for now.
My sister-in-law came and stayed with us for 8 weeks this summer. That definitely put a financial and emotional stress on us as well. She moved back home in August.
Two of my close friends are separated from their husbands. Seriously, is ANYONE happily married?! They are going through hell. But in a way…I’m envious. They did the hard part – they aren’t living with their husbands anymore. They both have kids (2 girls for one, 3 boys for the other) and everyone has adjusted to two households. They’re “rediscovering” themselves and having fun. Yes, I’m envious.
On a brighter note, my girlfriends and I are planning a summer birthday bash in Vegas. One of my friends and I will turn 30 a week apart from each other. We went to Vegas together when I turned 21. A group of 10+ girls are going…it’s going to be SO MUCH FUN! I was shocked that J said I could go…we’ll see how he is with it when I actually go.
I didn’t see much of the gym this summer. With my sister-in-law here and us living on a river, I just couldn’t bring myself to go very much. I’ve started up again and hope to lose about 10 pounds by our trip to Vegas in July. That would put me at my high school weight…smaller than I’ve been since then.
God it felt good to get these words out. Not sure if I’m back to blogging…but for now, I hope you stick around. Sorry for just jumping right back in. I figured that people didn’t really want to know the details about why I stopped blogging or what I’ve been doing since then. So hopefully this update is good enough.