11 Jan

Ya’ll know about J’s chronic pain issues. We’ve been dealing with them for six years. He’s been on some hardcore drugs. They have totally fucked with his brain and body. You also know my stance on marijuana use from this post.

So there was a period of time this fall that J had some pot and I knew about it. And he was actually really, really productive. It was the only pain relief method that would actually enable him to get off his ass and get stuff done around the house. So, despite my feelings about it, I supported him when we wanted to get his medical marijuana card in December. (We had a huge fight about the way he actually went about getting it, but that is a different post.) So he got it. Then in January (because of Christmas) he finally got some pot. It was supposed to last a month. He spent $100. It lasted 7 days. (Yes, he has been in an extreme amount of pain the past few months…the doctor even put him on freaking morphine.)

So fast forward to last night. He’s out of pot, the morphine isn’t doing anything, and he is supposed to take the kids into the “big city” tomorrow (today) to the dentist. He asked me if he could get some more. I told him (nicely) that I just didn’t know how that would work since he would have the kids and we have agreed that we don’t want them knowing what’s going on yet.

So today, he asks me again and I tell him no again. I even tell him he can make the same drive tomorrow (80 miles one way), by himself, and get it. So a few minutes ago I called him to check in, see how the appointments went, etc. Then he told me has an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow morning and I asked if he was going into the city to get some more pot (God, it’s so weird that I am even semi-okay with him doing that). And what does he fucking tell me?????

He already got some. Today. With the kids.


Apparently he talked to Miss Tween and explained the situation to her (which we agreed we would do together, when the time was right) and the kids “hid” (what the hell does that even mean?!) while he had some dispensary jerkoff meet him in the parking lot at Safeway to deal him some pot. Who fucking cares if he did it legally?! Welcome to your first drug deal, kids. Parent of the Fucking Year Award goes to J…

I honestly don’t even know what to say. He knows how big of a deal it was for me to “support” the idea of him being a cardholder. He knows I hate it. He knows how I feel about the kids knowing about it right now. And he goes and does this behind my back?! Oh you can bet your ass this is coming up in couples counseling next week.

I am so disappointed right now. I honestly feel like if I give him an inch, he takes a mile. And he will always be like this. I try to compromise with him and meet him in the middle on things and then he totally destroys my trust like that.


2 Responses to “Fuming”

  1. lifeisfullofsunnydays January 11, 2012 at 6:44 pm #

    WTH is right. You have every right to be angry and disappointed. I hope this resolves itself successfully for you.

  2. Laura January 12, 2012 at 9:46 am #

    Wow. In front of the kids? That sucks!

    This is less about pot (I think) and more about trust. He violated the terms the two of you agreed to and that is huge. He steamrolled over your boundaries and that’s not ok. My husband does crap like this all the time. That’s why I don’t want to give an inch because I know it means he’ll take a mile. So then I end up being the bitchy wife because I won’t ever compromise. How can I compromise when I know it’s like opening Pandora’s Box? I sense the same dynamic here with you.

    Allow me to play devil’s advocate for a moment though: how much pain is he in? I know pain can make people desperate. Would he do something this crazy if he wasn’t in agony? What do the doctors say? Will they be able to fix his pain problems? I can’t imagine what living with chronic pain would be like or how it might shift his values. Maybe consider that piece of the puzzle. I’m not saying violating your boundaries is ok though.

    This is a tough one. Good luck!!

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